What I should be doing:
What I wish I was doing:
Cuddling up with you in bed watching movies and eating pizza.
What I am doing:
I’m freaking out right now because of the fact that people in outside of the US don’t have to learn US history. IF THEY DON’T LEARN US HISTORY WHAT DO THEY LEARN ABOUT INSTEAD
Australian history which is useless because it just captain cook found us in 1700s and that’s it until like federation in 1901
I’m 85% sure you just made that up. Sorry to break it to you but Captain Hook isn’t real.
And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell